Yaadein!

 

A couple of days back I lost my maternal grandmother due to Covid. Since then, I have been having flashes of childhood memories! Some of those have made me happy and some made me sad! She was the last one from her generation because of whom I felt like being connected with three generations.

 

The mystery of death!

Now that I know she is no more, I can connect all her dots looking backward. But I wonder, is she able to? Constantly I have been haunted by the question, where is she now? Would she know what grief all of us are going through? Is she out somewhere with the realization that she has died as being “Lakshmi Bai” daughter of, wife of, mother of, grandmother of……But still being able to look at us with the same feelings and worldly attachments as she had? She never visited outside India in her life. I wonder, now is she able to visit and see me in Canada?

 Everyone around is talking how fulfilling her life was, that she died peacefully, she was all but a wonder woman. Does she have the same thought? Is she processing her life the same way? Is she even processing it or is she just gone? What if this is just our way of being able to live after her, convincing ourselves!

 

Memories she left me with:

I have umpteen happy memories with her, and I am glad that I do. Probably she is the first and only one I had from that generation who loved me, really loved me! Maybe that is the reason, I am feeling disconnected now. I am not a big fan of the rituals done after one die.  I just want to relive some of my happy memories here as my way of letting her know what she has given to me, knowingly and unknowingly.

·        My mom was in total 4 sisters and 2 brothers. It was a ritual every year, that all of them would visit Naani during summer vacation, for whatever duration it was possible. A total of 15 grandchildren is what she has left behind now. And at any given point in time, atleast 8 would be there during the summer visit.

·        As a child, I always looked forward to the visit to Naani’s house. That was the most awaited part of my summer vacation. The excitement would keep me awake at night a couple of days in advance. Maa and I would board the bus at 6am, and the journey of 5 hrs always felt long.

·         Naani would always have someone sent to receive us. The moment we would turn in the lane of her house, there she would be standing right outside the main door, waiting in anticipation. Her eagerness and happiness would always be evident. And she would hug and kiss me all over my face. She would ask my mom “kyun beta, bahut kharaab dikh riya”, “Bahut dubli ho gai”. “Chalo the log mooh, haath dho lo, mah thaali lagaaun garam garam”!

·        During the visit, she would take me around to neighbor’s house and she would proudly introduce me and ask people “Pehchaane kya, Hyd se shaku ki beti hai”. “Maaiye, kitni badi ho gai 1 saal me”! And I would blush happily and enjoy that moment of city celebrity!

·        Each day, she would wake up at 4am. All of us would be sleeping cramped up in what we called “Kinaare ka karma”. Sometimes, we would have slept on the terrace and had to come running downstairs when it suddenly started raining. I recall, she would be reciting her mantras and frequently ring her bell in front of God. After her long hours of Pooja, she would slowly come to see us and throw sarcasm “Abhi neend poori nahi hui thaaki”, “Dhoop nikal kar aa gai aa sar par. Aaaiii”. And we would just pull the cover up to the eyes, throw our head underneath the pillow and try to sleep back again.

·        Once we would all wake up, there would be a big lineup for washroom and for taking shower. Some of us were given shower in the open, some of us got to use the bathroom. All in pairs or more 😊 The smell of ghaslate and the warmth of the stove which would keep running to help us with warm water, is still etched. We would throw water at each other, keep having random thoughts and take long time to come out of the bathroom. Someone would come running soon, “Jaldi karo, paani garam ho gai. Doosra na bhi nahaanu ha”.

·        Summer vacation was the time to put on our best outfits and flaunt at each other. I remember fighting with mum to wear specific clothes. Once dressed, we were all given breakfast, little glass of milk and then Naani would say “Chaalo…Aba pet bhariyo na, sab bandi bhagaao mandir na. Ab 2 ghanta pacha aanu, bhookh lage jab”. We would all march towards mandir, most often she herself would accompany us while all the sisters/in law got their time to chit chat and manage kitchen. We would visit Balaji mandir and hanuman mandir. She would sit down there, and we would all play for hours together.

·        During afternoon time she would stop anyone who would come to sell anything, Be it pepsi, be it baraf gola, sometimes fruits…Whatever it would be, she would definitely buy something for all of us. In the evening time, she would take us again for a quick stroll, and would ask “Kunaana paani puri khaanu hun” “Kaun milkshake peene waala ho” and there would be some of us who would be eyeing for both or all options :P And there would be some video game lovers who would trade this money for the game and not eat anything. She had a little bag that she would hang right in front of her belly along the waistline where her saree would run. She would happily take money out of it and treat us with these joyful delicacies.

·        I remember she had this unique (I would find it peculiar as a child) way of expressing her love towards her daughters. She would knock on their door when they were taking bath and check on them “Aaun kaai beta, thodi peeth ghis dun thaari”. I would always ask mom, “why does naani do this?”

·        My extremely fond memories with her are when I would ask her if I can comb and braid her hair. She had nice, long black hair and she would also tie extension.  I loved doing it for it. She would look at herself in the mirror and say, “Aee diwani amma, kaisi daali beta choti. Diwaani lagri naani “! I also have a little scar on my right wrist. This was when I adamantly tried cooking “Jawaari ki roti” on the choohla and burnt my hand. She was scared that my mom would scold her!

·        I also have faint memories of her stories around the erection of the signal tower in the village. She would mention the details of how many people died while trying to erect it. I also learnt riding a bicycle there. She would buy us rental bicycles and ask some boys to help us learn the cycle. She would give roti to gaai everyday. The gaai would block the main door and not leave till she was fed!

·        And then, after the extremely delightful stay, whenever it was time for me to return to Hyderabad, I felt like leaving something behind. We would always be the first of the big family, to return! I would always think why everyone else can stay longer and why do we have to return so quickly! I would go through so many emotions during my return journey, recall each day and remember how I spent it. It would make me extremely sad, that all of this will happen again after a whole one year! Now I feel this was such a natural way of being taught “how to manage change”, “how nothing lasts forever. Both good and bad”, “If something good ends once, it will come back again. Be patient”

·         The old structure of the house was something I always fancied recalling in the form of geometry. I would always recall it when I would come back to Hyderabad, just so that I do not forget! “Enter hote hi ek rectangle. Uske right me kinaare ka ghar. Uske baad, ek chota sa portion. Usme steps oopar jaane k liye, left me kapde dhone ka pathar, chota sa houz, aur kiraaydaar ka kamra. Right me naanaji ka room. Uske baad ek step oopar chadho to, black and white chessboard jaise pathar. Uske left mein store room, right me kitchen. Uske end me maama, maami ka room, left me badi si gali (jisme humesha choohe hote the). Us gali me right me bathroom aur uske bilkul end me washroom”. For one week after my return, I would recall this every morning, go over to the bathroom where mom would be washing clothes and tell her “Maa, sabki bahut yad aa rahi hai”!

 

Such are my beautiful memories of visit to “Naani’s house”. I always say, she never had a lot of money at disposal. But her house was always filled with lots and lots of love! And that was another big lesson. It does not matter; you have money, or you do not have it. If you are willing to share, care and love, that is all that matters. All of us have grown in our respective ways, but these childhood memories keep all of us connected till date.

I am most thankful to her for giving me the biggest gift of my life, my mum! I love her the most and I will forever be indebted to you for this! Someday, I hope to see you/feel you when I join you back in the family tree 😊 Till then, lots of love! 

 

Love, Love, Love!

My Favorite!

Did I get that beautiful smile from her?

    
 

 

 

 

Change of Clock - Concept of Day Light Saving

In my stay of last 1 year and 8 months in Canada I have realized that few topics are always of interest to people. These can be considered as Ice Breakers which can help in initiating conversations in this multicultural country. One of the common topic during the November and again in March is the day light saving off and on respectively!  People have different views and often share their dislike and are of the opinion that it should be done away it. The reasons could be different. Some think that it is an old concept that does not hold any relevance in the current time, some say it impacts the time clock of their body and sleep cycle and many more versions! In my short stay here so far, I have become fond of this concept.

It is the month of March right now and today the day light saving was put on.

 

What does it mean? 

On the night of 2nd Sunday of March, at 2am the clocks are moved forward by one hour. Technically that Sunday is only 23hours.Again in the month of November, this is reversed and you get an additional hour in the day! So in a year, this is stands at zero-sum!  

Why was this originally started? 

Keeping in view the agricultural nature of the society, it was started  back in 1890s when work was primarily based on the hours of sunlight. The idea was to get the work started an hour early in Summer so that people would end their day and still have daylight after work hours. Basically, why waste the sunshine hours when people are sleeping? 

 

First day of the day light saving

Till yesterday, the dawn was breaking at 6am and sunrise was happening at 6:45am.  In the evening, sunset was happening around 6:25pm and the last bit of light would be around till 6:45pm. 

Today, the sunrise happened at 7:45am, an hour later. And likewise, the sunset happened around 7:25pm. As I am writing this draft at 7:50pm, there is still a little glow in the western sky! 

13 March, 2021 - 6:45AM

14 March, 2021 - 7:45AM

Why I prefer this?

Let's see what would happen if this concept is not in place. As the north end of the Earth tilt more towards the sun and Summer arrives, during the peak time the sunrise would happen at 5am [in Toronto, Canada]. Around the same time sunset would happen at 8:30 pm. 

1. With the daylight saving on today, the evenings have more sunlight than early morning! And I see no one in today's society waking up at 5am to enjoy the sunshine. Even thought I am a morning person, I wake up around 6am and there would be light in the sky by April mid. 

2. Work gets done by 5:30/6pm and it gives enough time to be able to bask in the sunshine. I realized the importance and the happiness of longer days since I moved from India wherein the variation was not that significant. 

3. Change is good. I feel happy on the first day of day light saving when the sun sets at 7:30pm! Physiologically, it feeds that winter is officially over, spring is round the corner and summer is on its way. Everyday from here is going to be longer than yesterday. 

4. In a country like Canada where winter lasts for 4-5 months, it is important to be given an opportunity to make the most of the sunlight in the months that it lasts. If shifting an hour of time can provide these benefits, we can bear a little change in the body clock. Do we complain when we vacation around the world hopping different timezone?

On a side note: This also reinstates that the concept of time is human made. We have defined days, hours, minutes, seconds! In the science world these are called as Earth days, Earth hours etc! It's scary and fascinating at the same time! Is there a different world(s) where the concept of time is completely different?

 

 

 

Year 2020! New way of Life!

Locked inside my house, gazing outside the window, I see the barren park. The place which would be otherwise buzzing with people jogging, kids playing, dogs being walked around and many others enjoying the sunshine. As I turn to look at the other side, I see the almost empty highway which would be otherwise filled with heavy evening traffic when people would be travelling back home at the end of their workday. This is year 2020! 

In my last post [a-nostalgic-visit-to-my-own-place] I was surprised to see how much my life has changed in the last 10 years since I started this blog. But then I realized the change that has happened in my way of life in last 1.5 months is much bigger than the entire 10 years put together. And it is not just for me but for everyone. As pointed out by lot of world leaders, these are unprecedented times. The entire world seems to have come to an absolute halt. As a result our life has come to a standstill. But did we not complaint too often about life running fast? Every time I spoke to my friends and family, everyone had one thing in common

 "I do not know how days and months are going by! Oh, another year is coming to an end!"

 But the last one month did not just fly past! 

I agree that we all have a lot of complaints and how this pandemic has put all our life’s plan on hold! But I am sure once we are over this, we will remember this time of our life and recall how our life had slowed down and we had ample time. So let’s look at some brighter side of this lockdown life. Below are some thoughts on changes in my way of life and the world around. 

1.      I do not recall when I last saw my eyes without kajal.  Not atleast in the last 10 years of corporate life. But now I have been without it for 40+ days.  I like to see the new me in the mirror without any curtains of fakeness and when I look into my eyes, I am seeing the real me.

2.     These days I do not feel the difference between weekdays and weekends. Suddenly the Friday excitement and Monday blues are gone. I still do office work, but there is no travel to office and no requirement of dressing up formally. The moment I close my laptop in the evening, my work day has ended with still a lot of my evening time left. I can read, write, watch TV and spend time with myself and my loved ones. I have been catching up on some of my favorite old movies, some classic movies which I missed watching earlier, reading and re-reading some books from my list.  

If you want my suggestion, you can read:
Sapiens - A brief history of Human Kind by Yuval Noah Harari

3.   The environmentalist inside me is very happy for how the Nature is able to restore the damage we have caused continuously from past so many years. I never imagined there would be a way in which people could be convinced to reduce their carbon footprint on the Planet. But now, it is all happening by itself and all it took was an invisible virus. I like to believe this to be Nature’s way of showing us our real place. If you still don't believe in Climate change, read my post on chasing-ice-documentary-of-lifetime and watch it. 

I am still not very positive if way of life and mindset will have any change once life comes back to normal. History shows us we have always been greedy and never been kind towards Nature! I hope we are proven wrong this time and make some good changes in our life permanent.

Even one less car ride a month, one less addition to the wardrobe or one less bin of garbage will make a difference!

4.       Most often we hear from elderly people how they wished they did things differently and stayed in touch with people from their younger days. I like to consider this to be such a checkpoint for us and it is still not very late. I have been utilizing this time to catch up with my old friends, relive and laugh at old memories, browse through some old pictures and talk to them to check how they are holding up.

As we move forward, we leave lot of things and people behind. As a kid, I would find ways and means of spending time and I thought 24hrs in a day was too long. As I grew up, the equation of time kept on changing and reached a stage where I started thinking why do we have only 24hrs in a day? It was always a race against the value of an activity and the time investment it required. But now I feel that my childhood days are back with an extra shot of technology. So yes, I am trying to make the best use of it.

5.       Cooking has become one favorite hobby everyone around seems to be indulging in. I am no different. This isolated way of life has shown us that we can do well without restaurants and home deliveries. Each one of us has been trying to make food at home and add some healthy ingredients to it. With so much time at hand and ample recipes available online, cooking experiments has become my favorite pastime. Baking is my favorite these days! Previously I did quick cooking to help with the meals but now I have the time to try something new and fancy. If not anything, the next time I order a pizza or buy a pastry, I would know why it carries so many calories and how much cheese and sugar has gone into it 😉

These were my top 5 picks of how the quarantined life has changed my way of living and what I have been doing to make the most of it! In whatever phase of life you are in, I am sure you have your side of story of this new way of life. Do share some in the form of comments.

StayHome & StaySafe 
Follow Social Distancing

Hope to see you all soon…

~ ~ Cheers ~ ~

A nostalgic visit to my own place

I visited my own blog page today after almost 5 years! It seems like a lifetime to me. People say memories stay with you forever, but I beg to differ. I have forgotten about the details of my own life journey so much, that reading my posts from year 2011 left me wondering! 

In my introduction to this blog as a young girl entering her 20s [To the right side - View Profile section] , I had mentioned "Life is all about events one after another. Years pass by, moments are lived and memories are made. I believe in going a step ahead.I take note of all those memories and experiences for myself and my louued ones."  It sounds so mature for my age that time and definitely meaningful. 

Life has changed leaps and bounds in these years. But reading the posts made me realize that I have few good constants in my life. I know these people and they are still very dear to me. But sometimes in this race of life, it is worthwhile to slow down and take some moments to relive those memories that makes the bond special. In a way I realized why after-all those bonds are so special to me. It starts with the hero of my life - my brother, my special girls gang SBG, Khushi ji, Addie,  Surbhi, Shreyansh, Lakshmi and a few more. There has been nothing really special about my writing. But each of your comments on my posts made me so nostalgic and it also reassured how friends can make you feel special. Thanks for being there for me. 

Why am I visiting the blog now? 

I am sure some of you have this question. Why now after so many years? Last week we were playing this game on SBG group as a way to bring some fun during the current way of quarantined life. There was a task in which one had to write the name of 3 bloggers and Dishlu mentioned my name as one of the bloggers! Really??? I wondered myself - Was I really a blogger? 

This morning came the Eureka moment when I was deciding on my To-Do for the day while taking shower. Some things never change :) 
[Ref:best-thoughts-in-bathroom] And guess what? With not much work on my plate, I have been on this nostalgic ride whole of this afternoon. It tickled some of those emotions which were buried deep underneath and overshadowed with recent memories. I am glad I did it. Thanks Dishlu for bringing this back to me. 

Another dear friend recently messaged me a dialog from one of our favorite movie - Yeh jawaani Hai Deewani : 

Yaadein mithai ke dibbe ki tarah hote hai, ek baar khula toh sirf ek tukda nahi kha paoge

Hope to come back soon.....

~ ~ Cheers ~ ~

Early Bird

I am one of those few people whom friends often tease “She’s a school kid. She loves sleeping by 10:30pm”. Yes that’s true, although the interpretation is wrong. I don’t love sleeping at 10:30 pm but I definitely love waking up at 6 am. That is because human body needs on an average 7 hours of sleep to be efficient, fresh and cheerful. So I hit bed by 10:30 pm and wake up at 6 am.

And when I wake up, the peacefulness of early hours makes me feel like my clock is working as per inter-stellar time.  Within an early morning hour, I am able to do so many things which I would otherwise struggle completing in half a day. This efficiency, energy, and spirit is maintained through the day.

Below are the reasons/benefits for which I prefer waking up early:

Winner’s confidence: There is a sense of control acquired when you wake up suppressing your inner voice. When the alarm goes off, there is a voice which tells you that you went late to bed last night or no one around is awake, you also sleep. DON’T LISTEN. If you win the battle here, things start on a high note and get even better during the course of day.

Greeting the Day: I enjoy nature. Walking on silent roads, watching birds chirping and flocking in fascinating patterns, observing the sky getting illuminated with sun rays, and spending time in lush green garden brings a perfect start to my day.

Morning Sky :)

Get Active: Morning is a great time to exercise. Along with bringing in lots of positive energy and enthusiasm, it’s a great stress buster and leaves you calm and focused for the rest of the day.

Fresh air in which I workout!

Quiet time: My idea of personal time includes meditation, reading & writing. I ensure to do at least 2 of these at the start of each day. It helps me to connect with myself. Doing something for myself early in morning energizes me and makes me ready for the day. 

Ways of pursuing passion! 

One step ahead with enhanced productivity: Waking up early helps me be more organized and plan my day well ahead. Instead of waking up from bed and rushing to office, I prefer giving myself the time to list and prioritize the day’s activities. This helps me do things with complete focus and by the time other people begin to work, I would have already completed few important tasks. This gives me psychological comfort and also buffer time for impromptu work.

More time for family: Early start to the day helps me complete my activities on time and leave office without having to worry about connecting back from home. Having done few things of my interest in morning, and completed the day’s work in office, in the evening I feel much more relaxed and satisfied about the way my day was spent. This leaves me with some more time for my family. I cherish sharing the dinner time with dad and chit chatting with mom while watching her favourite soap operas. I look forward to this time each day. 

Time for beautiful sunset from office!

To conclude, waking up early has improved my quality of life in many ways mentioned above. But in the beginning this may be hard. To start with take baby steps like just waking up 15 minutes earlier. Get to bed an hour earlier so that you won’t feel tired. It may take couple of days to adjust and you may not feel the benefits right away, but stick with it. Once you experience the benefits, it will be difficult to let go of this good habit. 

P.S: However I like to stay late on one of either Friday/Saturday. This helps me come out of my routine and feel good about being still able to stay awake beyond regular time :P

Cheers

Morning Bird

Komal

Award - My moment of Fame

Last one week has been extremely generous on me, showering lots of love in personal life and appreciation in professional. While personal end can be put off for the moment, I would like to share my professional achievement here. 

I am just a month short of completing 2 years with Infosys. These 2 years were not exactly like a flash in second, but yes, it doesn't feel like I am going to complete 2 years so soon. I have always enjoyed working here. Employees of Infosys, relatives of employee, media & population at large have lot of things to say about Infosys. Good, Bad, Ugly...! We're the first one to hit media top lines for positive or negative reasons. Personally for me, it has been a journey full of learning, fun & memories. 

For HR team, the awards are given away semi-annually. There is a HR town hall in which people who have contributed significantly &who went the extra mile are rewarded. This time it was scheduled on 10th Sept. When I logged in the morning, my calendar looked packed. I did not plan to attend the townhall and I thought to utilize the time for completing piled up work. At 10:30 am, I thought its late now! And then an email popped in, saying the town hall will now begin at 11 am. So far I was giving myself the reason that it will be a long walk from bldg 4 to bldg 12 [Infoscions will understand this], and its better not to attend than being late. But now I did not find an explanation to convince myself. It's rare that something is done for HR. Else we're busy organizing things for others. With this thought, I took the long walk in pleasant weather and reached the auditorium. 

After 1.5 hour of speeches, discussions & debates on various topics, came the time for awards. A presentation was projected on the Video Conference. And came the first slide. My eyes quickly skimmed through the names & photos and they stopped on one! It was a girl's photo in a blazer, written underneath - "Komal Laddha - HRD Shine Award in recognition of outstanding performance and contribution to HRD 2015-16". Yayyieee. It's me! And people in the room started clapping, SMS started pouring in, People on Lync started to ping to congratulate. My team's email thread was started and team members started writing some good words for me. And this was my moment of fame :) It really feels good when your colleagues come up to you and say "You totally deserved this". That's what matters more than an award. 

I was still cherishing for this award, but it was not over yet! On 11th Sept, we had an internal team meeting. Two members from each team were being recognized for the efforts put in to ensure maximum retention [ya! It's right. That's my job!] From my team it was me & my location colleague who received the appreciation & award from our HR head. And all I could do was smile and say "thank you". 

Recognition for the work done, is one of the biggest motivation. You may be well paid off financially but if you do not enjoy coming to office each day, the journey in the organization is bound to be short lived. And that excitement to go to office comes when you have the confidence that your efforts will be recognized :) 

That's me, posing off with my accomplishment !!!

Signing -off on this note. 

Cheers
Komal